[Maybe in ways he can't really describe. Not that he's fully okay and happy about everything, but the mission ironically helped him out with a bunch of self-doubts he's carried for so long.]
How about you? You've been secluding yourself for a while now. Done with that? I don't even know what happened with you back on that other Earth.
( a very cyclops answer, but. he's not. fine, that is. he died and he's been trying to cope with how alone and cold and empty it felt. it's something he's having a difficult time bouncing back from, but. it's easier not to talk about it. )
I was just checking on you. I know this mission did a number on people.
You're not fine. Even I can tell and I'm not the one with telepathy and crap.
I'm okay, really. The mission affected the other mutants more-- those who are more attached to their powers. I wanted to find you too because of that. Between knowing that and how 'I want to be by myself' you've been since we last talked...
[A sure long winded way of saying that he's been worried. And. Stuff.]
( he’s not sure if this is some sort of parental worry but more complicated or just scott being scott because. you know. never knew his father so nothing to compare notes to. )
( yes, they're... close. in ways he won't discuss with scott. although to be fair, he'd gone and pushed him away, too. well. tried to, but. wade is incredibly stubborn and annoying he's come to learn. )
( because he’s not willing to give away where he’s really been and he doesn’t want to go to the mansion. )
I’ll be outside.
( and when scott arrives, he will, in fact, be outside the hospital there. arms folded as he stands there, dressed in an oversized sweater and skinny jeans. if seeing him like this will put his mind at ease then… he supposes they can meet like this. )
[Scott isn't sure if he's entirely convinced, but he's going. Even he still recognizes that Nate is willing to meet with him in person and that's enough for now, because... because guess he's finally dealing with his own personal shit and actually wants to try? Not as angry at the other mutants with that whole complex driving him. Plus, he really has regretted not talking with the other mutants that have disappeared from this place.
So, he's here, walking up to Nate. Dressed in his usual casual clothes with his hands in his pockets and he can't stop himself from briefly looking over the other mutant and maybe feeling some relief that he actually seems to be okay.
Guess he wasn't injured.]
You pick the weirdest meeting places. [What's wrong with the diner or a cafe?? But. Looking at Nate.] ...So. What's with all the avoiding everyone?
( how does he say i died and have been trying to deal with it without actually saying that?
ultimately, he doesn't. instead, he stands there and eyes the teen a little before he glances off around them. there's no threat or anything — anyone — he needs to worry about, but. it just gives him a moment to think. you know. the one thing telepaths do too much of. )
I needed some time away from it all.
( a beat. )
The whole team dynamic and being around so many others.
( he's never been used to it, even back on the earth he's from now. eventually, he needs his space. )
[Honestly, he understands, wanting to be away from others. Hell, when he got pissed about something, he usually isolated himself in his room and refused to talk to anyone for as long as possible. Usually it was Alex that tried to talk to him, and here? Usually Sophie.
But he's never really left home to do that. He wonders if Nate views the place as his home. Scott never thought about leaving, at least not in a serious way, even if getting lodging in this place isn't really difficult. Still...]
Yeah I get it. [...] It's a lot being around them. But. You know, it sucks, when like half of us got sent back home or whatever.
[He slouches slightly, eyes darting to the ground.] I didn't want everyone to start disappearing even when I was pissed off.
( ever since his coming back to etraya— coming back to the land of the living, he's felt a bitter cold within him. at first, he thought it might be verity, but. they never felt that way to him. not back on that other earth. that's when he came to realize it was all him. did some part of him break upon coming back to life? people lose things when they die here, don't they? did some part of him slip away into that dark cold he felt as the life within him left and not come back with him here?
he's himself... but he's not at the same time and he feels like there's absolutely no one he can talk to about it and that's an incredibly lonely feeling to live with. )
Everyone I know leaves.
( it's why he's used to going at everything alone. maddie and thren have constantly been in and out of his short life and he can never quite find his footing with teams. the avengers, x-force, the x-men... a deep-seated desire to be of relevance echoes within him and yet he finds himself longing to be lost at the same time. )
Life's like that I guess. Coming to live with regrets for things you never said or did when you had the chance to and then it's too late.
[A small flare of anger, though it's not really directed at Nate. It's mostly geared at himself, for taking this long to accept that he's just Scott Summers and he can't be the Scott the others know. Not right now, maybe not even in the future, but he can still be... well, he's working on that. It's just that fixating on feeling like an imposter this entire time hasn't been productive.
It's been draining. Tiring. Probably annoyed everyone else to some degree. And honestly? He's kind of done with that.]
It sucks that Cable and Hope are gone. We can... still feel that, I guess.
[Talking about feelings is hard as fuck, but he needs to get it off his chest in some way, even as he feels himself burrowing his hands deeper inside his pockets. Though his eyes have turned back up to look at Nate, as if gauging his reaction.]
( he's all that scott has here in terms of blood-related family and yet... he also isn't. here or blood-related in the sense of being from the same world, universe, dimension, what have you. regardless of separate worlds, they're still strangers to each other and it's... no one's fault. scott being so new to being a mutant and dealing with the prejudice and hangups that come with being any version of scott summers and himself with struggling to be around others and teamwork when he's usually just been on his own. things just were what they were... are what they are now and he... doesn't know what they'll come to be going forward.
so he stands there. quiet. staring to the other mutant before he's looking off a little with those blue eyes he's been told he gets from scott. )
[A small nod, even if this also feels weird in its own way. Like 'cool, good to know that you feel just as shitty as me.' Or have the same regrets at least. Scott isn't sure if it's fully a helpful feeling to relate in this way, but he doesn't stop talking because... he doesn't know what else to really do except maybe sulk somewhere and he's trying not to.
Also he doesn't want to encourage that behavior--]
So, guess I want to try harder with the remaining mutants here. [Slight change in topic, though it's tangentially related.]
And yeah that includes you. [...] Not that I want all of us to sit in a fucking circle and bare our feelings, but I really hated not knowing what happened to you.
[Because he cares about him in his stupid teenage not dad way??? Plus seeing Nate overextend himself in Solmara still sticks out in his mind.] Like if you need space, sure whatever, but just getting a 'I'm fine' and then silence for weeks was... hard. I can't sense you like Sophie or Quentin or any of the other telepaths.
( sensing people he means, but. he knows that's not what scott was really getting at. arms folded there in front of his chest, he looks around them again before letting his blue-eyed gaze trail back over to the other mutant there with him. )
But you should. Get to know the others, I mean.
( a thoughtful look, he glances down for just a moment. )
[Guess this is what he wants, right? The most he can ask for?? Not like he's about to suggest finding a place to live off together and away from the other mutants and he's not going to force Nate to live back at the mansion, so... guess if he really means this it's okay.
Scott doesn't look all that pleased, but is he ever?? At least he seems accepting.]
Well, good. [...] Also, don't worry about the whole. Scott Summers thing around me anymore, okay? I'm over it.
[Well, kind of. Is a moody teenager ever over anything?? But still.]
( and he doesn't know if he ever will, so. he wonders if having his parents, despite not knowing them, with all of this... if it might have helped — if it would make any of this easier for him and how alone and confused he feels, but. maybe not. he's always gone it alone. he just... needs to get used to it with this. it's just a little hard when he's struggling with so much.
still, that gets him to eye the other mutant there briefly before he's pocketing his hands. )
You should stay with the others. ( he says then. thoughtful. ) I think it's good for you. To be around them. Or... who's left anyways.
[It still is a little awkward to think that the guy standing in front of him is his son in a different universe. It's true, but also, he's not really that Scott Summers and he probably won't be-- at least he definitely won't match him one to one on everything. And he probably doesn't want to? Yeah, he doesn't want to. Not like he knows much or anything about fatherhood. Probably helps that Nate doesn't seem to want that from him either.
Though, it doesn't mean he isn't going to frown and look at him with concern.]
...You really think it's good for me to stay with them? [...] But the same doesn't apply to you? They actually know you and like you.
[Well fine--] I mean, I know they're not upset at me anymore and you don't have to do stupid teamwork bullshit all the time, but.
[He motions at Nate as if to tell him that he should understand what he's getting at here.]
( feelings, perceptions, loyalties. life itself can unexpectedly change in the blink of an eye. sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst, sometimes for something he doesn't think he has a name for. )
I was possessed and used my powers to help spread the anomaly's influence throughout that Earth. I wouldn't exactly like me either considering everything that happened.
( is this how everyone felt when jean had been possessed by the phoenix force and did the things she did? or did she have a sort of support to come out of this — to find herself amidst the aftermath of herself and pieces she very well likely felt were broken? he doesn't know. can't ask. has to just... figure this out on his own. including how he feels about himself and where his place is, if anywhere. )
[This sure is a surprise to Scott-- he didn't know what was going on after a while. Or what to stop or where to go, but it was Nate all along?? His worry only grows hearing this, along with a slightly uncomfortable feeling... a truth that he feels like he can grasp but doesn't want to. But he has to. Also maybe a little angry because the other mutants probably knew and didn't tell him and--
There's some staring, something turning in his mind, his frown growing.]
Is it still in you-- what happened back on that other Earth, Nate?
( he doesn't like talking about this — finds he grows frustrated when he does. it's complicated what happened as are his own feelings about it all. trying to explain — trying to understand what had happened... it's difficult even for him in ways he's not so sure anyone can really understand and because of that, he's felt alone with all of this.
he doesn't want to go into this but he's already said enough that it's near impossible for scott to just drop it, so. )
It sought me out because of my power. It felt safe with me and I became influenced by it. ( quiet for a moment, he looks to scott dead on but lacks anything there in his own blue eyes. ) I died. I was killed as a means to stop it all.
( and he feels... cold. alone. broken. )
We might come back after death, but that doesn't make it any easier to actually go through.
He almost misses the rest of what he says as those words repeat in a loop inside his head. It's such a weird thing to deal with, especially since he's still talking to the person that actually died. He's not gone forever. Maybe it should be something that's relieving, that he didn't have to say goodbye to Nate, but an uncomfortable feeling settles in his chest as he stares at the other mutant.
Upset, confused, surprised, multiple emotions are conveyed in a single look from Scott, unable to say anything at first. He's still processing this.]
What-- no, why would it be easy-- of course not! [A flare of anger, but still mostly just upset that this happened in the first place.] Why didn't you tell anyone?!
[At least he knows why Nate was distant to everyone, though it doesn't help all that much.]
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telepathy;
[Maybe in ways he can't really describe. Not that he's fully okay and happy about everything, but the mission ironically helped him out with a bunch of self-doubts he's carried for so long.]
How about you? You've been secluding yourself for a while now. Done with that? I don't even know what happened with you back on that other Earth.
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( a very cyclops answer, but. he's not. fine, that is. he died and he's been trying to cope with how alone and cold and empty it felt. it's something he's having a difficult time bouncing back from, but. it's easier not to talk about it. )
I was just checking on you. I know this mission did a number on people.
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You're not fine. Even I can tell and I'm not the one with telepathy and crap.
I'm okay, really. The mission affected the other mutants more-- those who are more attached to their powers. I wanted to find you too because of that. Between knowing that and how 'I want to be by myself' you've been since we last talked...
[A sure long winded way of saying that he's been worried. And. Stuff.]
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( he’s not sure if this is some sort of parental worry but more complicated or just scott being scott because. you know. never knew his father so nothing to compare notes to. )
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[...........]
I've been worried, okay? And I hate that you keep brushing me off.
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It's nothing personal.
( it's not you, scott. it's him. )
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Everyone else that's sort of related to me is gone. And I didn't even get to talk to them that much.
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If you can get to the hospital, I can meet you there.
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I'll meet you there.
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( because he’s not willing to give away where he’s really been and he doesn’t want to go to the mansion. )
I’ll be outside.
( and when scott arrives, he will, in fact, be outside the hospital there. arms folded as he stands there, dressed in an oversized sweater and skinny jeans. if seeing him like this will put his mind at ease then… he supposes they can meet like this. )
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So, he's here, walking up to Nate. Dressed in his usual casual clothes with his hands in his pockets and he can't stop himself from briefly looking over the other mutant and maybe feeling some relief that he actually seems to be okay.
Guess he wasn't injured.]
You pick the weirdest meeting places. [What's wrong with the diner or a cafe?? But. Looking at Nate.] ...So. What's with all the avoiding everyone?
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ultimately, he doesn't. instead, he stands there and eyes the teen a little before he glances off around them. there's no threat or anything — anyone — he needs to worry about, but. it just gives him a moment to think. you know. the one thing telepaths do too much of. )
I needed some time away from it all.
( a beat. )
The whole team dynamic and being around so many others.
( he's never been used to it, even back on the earth he's from now. eventually, he needs his space. )
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But he's never really left home to do that. He wonders if Nate views the place as his home. Scott never thought about leaving, at least not in a serious way, even if getting lodging in this place isn't really difficult. Still...]
Yeah I get it. [...] It's a lot being around them. But. You know, it sucks, when like half of us got sent back home or whatever.
[He slouches slightly, eyes darting to the ground.] I didn't want everyone to start disappearing even when I was pissed off.
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he's himself... but he's not at the same time and he feels like there's absolutely no one he can talk to about it and that's an incredibly lonely feeling to live with. )
Everyone I know leaves.
( it's why he's used to going at everything alone. maddie and thren have constantly been in and out of his
shortlife and he can never quite find his footing with teams. the avengers, x-force, the x-men... a deep-seated desire to be of relevance echoes within him and yet he finds himself longing to be lost at the same time. )Life's like that I guess. Coming to live with regrets for things you never said or did when you had the chance to and then it's too late.
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[A small flare of anger, though it's not really directed at Nate. It's mostly geared at himself, for taking this long to accept that he's just Scott Summers and he can't be the Scott the others know. Not right now, maybe not even in the future, but he can still be... well, he's working on that. It's just that fixating on feeling like an imposter this entire time hasn't been productive.
It's been draining. Tiring. Probably annoyed everyone else to some degree. And honestly? He's kind of done with that.]
It sucks that Cable and Hope are gone. We can... still feel that, I guess.
[Talking about feelings is hard as fuck, but he needs to get it off his chest in some way, even as he feels himself burrowing his hands deeper inside his pockets. Though his eyes have turned back up to look at Nate, as if gauging his reaction.]
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so he stands there. quiet. staring to the other mutant before he's looking off a little with those blue eyes he's been told he gets from scott. )
It would have been nice to know them.
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Also he doesn't want to encourage that behavior--]
So, guess I want to try harder with the remaining mutants here. [Slight change in topic, though it's tangentially related.]
And yeah that includes you. [...] Not that I want all of us to sit in a fucking circle and bare our feelings, but I really hated not knowing what happened to you.
[Because he cares about him in his stupid teenage not dad way??? Plus seeing Nate overextend himself in Solmara still sticks out in his mind.] Like if you need space, sure whatever, but just getting a 'I'm fine' and then silence for weeks was... hard. I can't sense you like Sophie or Quentin or any of the other telepaths.
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( sensing people he means, but. he knows that's not what scott was really getting at. arms folded there in front of his chest, he looks around them again before letting his blue-eyed gaze trail back over to the other mutant there with him. )
But you should. Get to know the others, I mean.
( a thoughtful look, he glances down for just a moment. )
I'll try to be better about reaching out to you.
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Scott doesn't look all that pleased, but is he ever?? At least he seems accepting.]
Well, good. [...] Also, don't worry about the whole. Scott Summers thing around me anymore, okay? I'm over it.
[Well, kind of. Is a moody teenager ever over anything?? But still.]
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( and he doesn't know if he ever will, so. he wonders if having his parents, despite not knowing them, with all of this... if it might have helped — if it would make any of this easier for him and how alone and confused he feels, but. maybe not. he's always gone it alone. he just... needs to get used to it with this. it's just a little hard when he's struggling with so much.
still, that gets him to eye the other mutant there briefly before he's pocketing his hands. )
You should stay with the others. ( he says then. thoughtful. ) I think it's good for you. To be around them. Or... who's left anyways.
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Though, it doesn't mean he isn't going to frown and look at him with concern.]
...You really think it's good for me to stay with them? [...] But the same doesn't apply to you? They actually know you and like you.
[Well fine--] I mean, I know they're not upset at me anymore and you don't have to do stupid teamwork bullshit all the time, but.
[He motions at Nate as if to tell him that he should understand what he's getting at here.]
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( feelings, perceptions, loyalties. life itself can unexpectedly change in the blink of an eye. sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst, sometimes for something he doesn't think he has a name for. )
I was possessed and used my powers to help spread the anomaly's influence throughout that Earth. I wouldn't exactly like me either considering everything that happened.
( is this how everyone felt when jean had been possessed by the phoenix force and did the things she did? or did she have a sort of support to come out of this — to find herself amidst the aftermath of herself and pieces she very well likely felt were broken? he doesn't know. can't ask. has to just... figure this out on his own. including how he feels about himself and where his place is, if anywhere. )
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You had the anomaly with you the entire time?
[This sure is a surprise to Scott-- he didn't know what was going on after a while. Or what to stop or where to go, but it was Nate all along?? His worry only grows hearing this, along with a slightly uncomfortable feeling... a truth that he feels like he can grasp but doesn't want to. But he has to. Also maybe a little angry because the other mutants probably knew and didn't tell him and--
There's some staring, something turning in his mind, his frown growing.]
Is it still in you-- what happened back on that other Earth, Nate?
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he doesn't want to go into this but he's already said enough that it's near impossible for scott to just drop it, so. )
It sought me out because of my power. It felt safe with me and I became influenced by it. ( quiet for a moment, he looks to scott dead on but lacks anything there in his own blue eyes. ) I died. I was killed as a means to stop it all.
( and he feels... cold. alone. broken. )
We might come back after death, but that doesn't make it any easier to actually go through.
( or deal with after. )
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He almost misses the rest of what he says as those words repeat in a loop inside his head. It's such a weird thing to deal with, especially since he's still talking to the person that actually died. He's not gone forever. Maybe it should be something that's relieving, that he didn't have to say goodbye to Nate, but an uncomfortable feeling settles in his chest as he stares at the other mutant.
Upset, confused, surprised, multiple emotions are conveyed in a single look from Scott, unable to say anything at first. He's still processing this.]
What-- no, why would it be easy-- of course not! [A flare of anger, but still mostly just upset that this happened in the first place.] Why didn't you tell anyone?!
[At least he knows why Nate was distant to everyone, though it doesn't help all that much.]
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