( feelings, perceptions, loyalties. life itself can unexpectedly change in the blink of an eye. sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst, sometimes for something he doesn't think he has a name for. )
I was possessed and used my powers to help spread the anomaly's influence throughout that Earth. I wouldn't exactly like me either considering everything that happened.
( is this how everyone felt when jean had been possessed by the phoenix force and did the things she did? or did she have a sort of support to come out of this — to find herself amidst the aftermath of herself and pieces she very well likely felt were broken? he doesn't know. can't ask. has to just... figure this out on his own. including how he feels about himself and where his place is, if anywhere. )
[This sure is a surprise to Scott-- he didn't know what was going on after a while. Or what to stop or where to go, but it was Nate all along?? His worry only grows hearing this, along with a slightly uncomfortable feeling... a truth that he feels like he can grasp but doesn't want to. But he has to. Also maybe a little angry because the other mutants probably knew and didn't tell him and--
There's some staring, something turning in his mind, his frown growing.]
Is it still in you-- what happened back on that other Earth, Nate?
( he doesn't like talking about this — finds he grows frustrated when he does. it's complicated what happened as are his own feelings about it all. trying to explain — trying to understand what had happened... it's difficult even for him in ways he's not so sure anyone can really understand and because of that, he's felt alone with all of this.
he doesn't want to go into this but he's already said enough that it's near impossible for scott to just drop it, so. )
It sought me out because of my power. It felt safe with me and I became influenced by it. ( quiet for a moment, he looks to scott dead on but lacks anything there in his own blue eyes. ) I died. I was killed as a means to stop it all.
( and he feels... cold. alone. broken. )
We might come back after death, but that doesn't make it any easier to actually go through.
He almost misses the rest of what he says as those words repeat in a loop inside his head. It's such a weird thing to deal with, especially since he's still talking to the person that actually died. He's not gone forever. Maybe it should be something that's relieving, that he didn't have to say goodbye to Nate, but an uncomfortable feeling settles in his chest as he stares at the other mutant.
Upset, confused, surprised, multiple emotions are conveyed in a single look from Scott, unable to say anything at first. He's still processing this.]
What-- no, why would it be easy-- of course not! [A flare of anger, but still mostly just upset that this happened in the first place.] Why didn't you tell anyone?!
[At least he knows why Nate was distant to everyone, though it doesn't help all that much.]
Because I've been trying to process it since coming back.
( and he's not the only telepath here.
it can feel scott's anger not only through his words but in his emotions as well and it's why he didn't want to talk about this. it's over and done with. nothing will change what happened and he came back, so. who cares? right? except he thinks he does. maybe. he's still figuring it out — still dealing with everything that's come with dying and coming back to life unexpectedly. it hasn't been easy and he wonders at times if it'll ever begin to feel easier. wade's company helps, but. he doesn't know. )
I have nightmares. I don't feel myself. I don't know if I'm even me anymore half the time. Reaching out about it hasn't exactly been my top priority.
[How does anyone process something like that? Scott doesn't have the answer to that, maybe the other mutants would? Since their world seems that much harder and shittier than his. In fact, Sophie mentioned to him before that she died and came back before, maybe even a couple of times. But. Suggesting Nate to talk to her or the others doesn't seem good enough, he's sure that he can do that on his own or when he feels like talking to them.
Nate's opening up to Scott right now and... it feels important? It's what he wanted, and he's trying in all this, even if he doesn't know what to say. It's that confusion that helps to lower the anger he felt just now, though he's still just upset that all this happened in the first place.]
...You were possessed by a really powerful anomaly before dying, of course you wouldn't feel like yourself. I'd be surprised if you knew exactly how to feel and what to do after all that. [....] All of that must've sucked. Like a lot. And. Sorry.
( and here he thought he got his lack of being able to say things properly due to his being a telepath and constantly feeling and hearing everything that isn't his. maybe it's also genetic. )
It happened. Nothing can be done about it.
( though, he falls quiet for a breath. )
Thanks though. ( another pause. ) For saying something.
( because he's been dealing with feeling like he deserved to die and it wouldn't have mattered if he came back or not. )
[Maybe the past can't be fixed, it's not like he can go back and stop the anomaly from inserting itself into Nate and lead to the mutant getting killed. But all of that still turns something sour in his chest and makes it hard to really say anything actually productive, even though he really wants to. Honestly, a part of him wants to just slug Nate in the face, especially since he's been keeping quiet about it from mostly everyone.
But...]
Yeah, sure. Glad I was able to tell you that dying sucks and hearing that you died really sucks.
[Somewhat glum, maybe pouty in that familiar Summers way.] Don't forget that we all still... care in our stupid asshole way.
[The other mutants. He's finally figured that out.]
( he’s not so sure he believes that. maybe they care for scott and he’s glad they do, but. he keeps that to himself. he’s already depressed the younger mutant enough with what happened to him. )
I need to… figure things out.
( exile himself, in a sense. )
But if you need me, just think at me. I’ll always hear it.
( for a moment, he stands there, unsure how to go about this. he’s not ready to be around others - doesn’t think himself welcome, but. this is… something. maybe. coming to see scott like this and it’s not like he’s closing the door on him. just gently keeping it ajar. because he needs to figure a lot of stuff out. needs to try and find himself in all of this.
after going with that hesitation, he finally reaches out and gently allows himself to hug the younger mutant, a means, perhaps, to gently reassure him of his still being here. physically at least. )
Even if I don’t ever meet him, I’m glad I got to meet you.
You can think loudly at me. If you... need me too.
[He tries, because he wants to offer at least that much because he's not a total prick and they're mutants and they have a weird and complex relationship. And. He still cares in his own way, he never stopped, really. Just sometimes hard to express, when you're a relatively new mutant in a world with mutants that are different and finding your place amongst them.
But he's getting it, slowly. He doesn't want Nate to feel entirely alone in all this.
So, when he's hugged, Scott only takes a few seconds before gently hugging him back as well-- arms moving to wrap around him in something solid but not too squeezing.]
...Thanks. [Quiet, but meaningful. Really, those words from Nate mean more than he may think.] I'm glad too. That you're here.
( he doesn’t often have this — doesn’t often have someone to hold him and reassure him that things will work out. that he’ll work out. a mother figure would normally fill this, he thinks, but. that’s something he’s never had. even before coming here. it’s just been him and whatever thren and maddie had been. but like them, their comfort had been fleeting and sparingly given to him and so some part of him desires this, he thinks — desires to be reassured and protected. instead, he’s often the one doing it for others. and why wouldn’t he when he can do and feel what he does?
it’s why when he pulls back some there’s a wetness to his blue eyes — a quiet longing for belonging and having something genuine and real and that won’t be ripped away from him unexpectedly. it doesn’t help with the loneliness — with the way he’s been trying to just take it day by day after everything that happened and he rubs at his eyes with the tips of his fingers when he realizes the wetness there.
There are times when he can be a dick, but there's no hint of mockery or anything in the teen as he watches the way Nate rubs at his eyes. Obviously affected just from the stuff they shared. Because of him?? Fuck, thinking that, realizing that, nearly forms a knot in his own throat. He's not about to tug him into another hug, even if a small part of it is tempting, instead choosing to quietly let Nate compose himself-- though that leaves him to awkwardly shift on his feet as he deals with his own realization. Yeah, he's said what he wanted to say, but dealing with emotions and feelings is just really hard.
But the moment's passed and Nate's clearing his throat, obviously trying to compose himself. He raises his hand briefly, as if still deciding, before just going forward and letting it rest on the other's arm.]
Come on, you're a Summers. That means you're automatically less annoying than almost everyone here.
( the touch to his arm gets him to look down to scott's hand and he's silent as he stares to it; he still feels cold. like his mere presence is that to impose. only after a moment does he look up and offers the other mutant the faintest smile he can manage. )
You're the Summers here between us. I'm just some guy who fell from one universe into another by accident.
( at that, he gently pulls back some. )
If you need my help, I'll come. Just try to stay out of trouble.
[He's not just some guy!! Scott will just think that thought loudly in Nate's general direction, just because.
Also, eyebrow arching at that comment.]
You realize that between the two of us, you've been the one that's gotten into trouble more.
[LOOK he's just saying!! He hasn't fallen into a coma or died so he thinks his track record is a bit better right now. Maybe a low blow but Scott never said he was above such things.]
But I will. And same goes for you, okay? I still can't fully control my powers, but guess I'm more used to them now.
Well it matters to me. I don't want our next conversation to be about you getting hurt again from something stupid.
[He'll make it an order or something!! Yeah!! Even though he's not really in any sort of leadership position here-- he's definitely not Cyclops yet. Or ever. Who fucking knows. Still, he wants to make it known to Nate that he won't be happy about that.]
Guess it helps to know that even the other me still has to wear sunglasses all the time. I mean, it sucks too, but. [Face scrunch, as if he has a hard time really explaining it all. He waves his hand dismissively instead.]
Yeah, I'll keep practicing or whatever. It's what I have.
( he’s not really sure what else to say to that, so.
a sigh soft in the way it leaves his lips, he slides his hands into his pockets and stands there staring to the other mutant for a little longer. it’s funny to think this is more or less all he has left for family when they’re also so very far from being anything close to that.
with that in mind, he glances down for a moment. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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( feelings, perceptions, loyalties. life itself can unexpectedly change in the blink of an eye. sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst, sometimes for something he doesn't think he has a name for. )
I was possessed and used my powers to help spread the anomaly's influence throughout that Earth. I wouldn't exactly like me either considering everything that happened.
( is this how everyone felt when jean had been possessed by the phoenix force and did the things she did? or did she have a sort of support to come out of this — to find herself amidst the aftermath of herself and pieces she very well likely felt were broken? he doesn't know. can't ask. has to just... figure this out on his own. including how he feels about himself and where his place is, if anywhere. )
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You had the anomaly with you the entire time?
[This sure is a surprise to Scott-- he didn't know what was going on after a while. Or what to stop or where to go, but it was Nate all along?? His worry only grows hearing this, along with a slightly uncomfortable feeling... a truth that he feels like he can grasp but doesn't want to. But he has to. Also maybe a little angry because the other mutants probably knew and didn't tell him and--
There's some staring, something turning in his mind, his frown growing.]
Is it still in you-- what happened back on that other Earth, Nate?
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he doesn't want to go into this but he's already said enough that it's near impossible for scott to just drop it, so. )
It sought me out because of my power. It felt safe with me and I became influenced by it. ( quiet for a moment, he looks to scott dead on but lacks anything there in his own blue eyes. ) I died. I was killed as a means to stop it all.
( and he feels... cold. alone. broken. )
We might come back after death, but that doesn't make it any easier to actually go through.
( or deal with after. )
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He almost misses the rest of what he says as those words repeat in a loop inside his head. It's such a weird thing to deal with, especially since he's still talking to the person that actually died. He's not gone forever. Maybe it should be something that's relieving, that he didn't have to say goodbye to Nate, but an uncomfortable feeling settles in his chest as he stares at the other mutant.
Upset, confused, surprised, multiple emotions are conveyed in a single look from Scott, unable to say anything at first. He's still processing this.]
What-- no, why would it be easy-- of course not! [A flare of anger, but still mostly just upset that this happened in the first place.] Why didn't you tell anyone?!
[At least he knows why Nate was distant to everyone, though it doesn't help all that much.]
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( and he's not the only telepath here.
it can feel scott's anger not only through his words but in his emotions as well and it's why he didn't want to talk about this. it's over and done with. nothing will change what happened and he came back, so. who cares? right? except he thinks he does. maybe. he's still figuring it out — still dealing with everything that's come with dying and coming back to life unexpectedly. it hasn't been easy and he wonders at times if it'll ever begin to feel easier. wade's company helps, but. he doesn't know. )
I have nightmares. I don't feel myself. I don't know if I'm even me anymore half the time. Reaching out about it hasn't exactly been my top priority.
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Nate's opening up to Scott right now and... it feels important? It's what he wanted, and he's trying in all this, even if he doesn't know what to say. It's that confusion that helps to lower the anger he felt just now, though he's still just upset that all this happened in the first place.]
...You were possessed by a really powerful anomaly before dying, of course you wouldn't feel like yourself. I'd be surprised if you knew exactly how to feel and what to do after all that. [....] All of that must've sucked. Like a lot. And. Sorry.
[A true poet, this one.]
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It happened. Nothing can be done about it.
( though, he falls quiet for a breath. )
Thanks though. ( another pause. ) For saying something.
( because he's been dealing with feeling like he deserved to die and it wouldn't have mattered if he came back or not. )
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But...]
Yeah, sure. Glad I was able to tell you that dying sucks and hearing that you died really sucks.
[Somewhat glum, maybe pouty in that familiar Summers way.] Don't forget that we all still... care in our stupid asshole way.
[The other mutants. He's finally figured that out.]
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I need to… figure things out.
( exile himself, in a sense. )
But if you need me, just think at me. I’ll always hear it.
( for a moment, he stands there, unsure how to go about this. he’s not ready to be around others - doesn’t think himself welcome, but. this is… something. maybe. coming to see scott like this and it’s not like he’s closing the door on him. just gently keeping it ajar. because he needs to figure a lot of stuff out. needs to try and find himself in all of this.
after going with that hesitation, he finally reaches out and gently allows himself to hug the younger mutant, a means, perhaps, to gently reassure him of his still being here. physically at least. )
Even if I don’t ever meet him, I’m glad I got to meet you.
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You can think loudly at me. If you... need me too.
[He tries, because he wants to offer at least that much because he's not a total prick and they're mutants and they have a weird and complex relationship. And. He still cares in his own way, he never stopped, really. Just sometimes hard to express, when you're a relatively new mutant in a world with mutants that are different and finding your place amongst them.
But he's getting it, slowly. He doesn't want Nate to feel entirely alone in all this.
So, when he's hugged, Scott only takes a few seconds before gently hugging him back as well-- arms moving to wrap around him in something solid but not too squeezing.]
...Thanks. [Quiet, but meaningful. Really, those words from Nate mean more than he may think.] I'm glad too. That you're here.
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it’s why when he pulls back some there’s a wetness to his blue eyes — a quiet longing for belonging and having something genuine and real and that won’t be ripped away from him unexpectedly. it doesn’t help with the loneliness — with the way he’s been trying to just take it day by day after everything that happened and he rubs at his eyes with the tips of his fingers when he realizes the wetness there.
clearing his throat, he glances down and away. )
I’m glad one of us is.
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There are times when he can be a dick, but there's no hint of mockery or anything in the teen as he watches the way Nate rubs at his eyes. Obviously affected just from the stuff they shared. Because of him?? Fuck, thinking that, realizing that, nearly forms a knot in his own throat. He's not about to tug him into another hug, even if a small part of it is tempting, instead choosing to quietly let Nate compose himself-- though that leaves him to awkwardly shift on his feet as he deals with his own realization. Yeah, he's said what he wanted to say, but dealing with emotions and feelings is just really hard.
But the moment's passed and Nate's clearing his throat, obviously trying to compose himself. He raises his hand briefly, as if still deciding, before just going forward and letting it rest on the other's arm.]
Come on, you're a Summers. That means you're automatically less annoying than almost everyone here.
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You're the Summers here between us. I'm just some guy who fell from one universe into another by accident.
( at that, he gently pulls back some. )
If you need my help, I'll come. Just try to stay out of trouble.
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Also, eyebrow arching at that comment.]
You realize that between the two of us, you've been the one that's gotten into trouble more.
[LOOK he's just saying!! He hasn't fallen into a coma or died so he thinks his track record is a bit better right now. Maybe a low blow but Scott never said he was above such things.]
But I will. And same goes for you, okay? I still can't fully control my powers, but guess I'm more used to them now.
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dadscott. )I'm running on borrowed time so it doesn't matter much.
( he's only got a few years left to live before his body shuts down on him because he's Too Powerful. thanks, sinister. )
as for your powers, you'll figure them out.
( just like he's had to figure out his own. )
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[He'll make it an order or something!! Yeah!! Even though he's not really in any sort of leadership position here-- he's definitely not Cyclops yet. Or ever. Who fucking knows. Still, he wants to make it known to Nate that he won't be happy about that.]
Guess it helps to know that even the other me still has to wear sunglasses all the time. I mean, it sucks too, but. [Face scrunch, as if he has a hard time really explaining it all. He waves his hand dismissively instead.]
Yeah, I'll keep practicing or whatever. It's what I have.
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( he’s not really sure what else to say to that, so.
a sigh soft in the way it leaves his lips, he slides his hands into his pockets and stands there staring to the other mutant for a little longer. it’s funny to think this is more or less all he has left for family when they’re also so very far from being anything close to that.
with that in mind, he glances down for a moment. )
I’ll be around when you need me.