Ah, but it is true, however. One of them, anyway! Not really a joke. I thought you knew that!
(that dazai often tries, or fantasises, or whines, about wanting to leave this existence, at least. he doesn't attempt to hide it, to lie about it, and he's cheerful in his lack of connection to breathing. either way, he watches the coughing, gently tapping the boy's back.)
[Scott frowns at him, swallowing past the burn in his throat to really look at Dazai. He has Doubts that he's fucking blue past his neck and maybe the exploding powers thing is real, but he did mention the whole dying bit to him before. He thought it was him being Really Annoying but now it's possibly more than that???
What does he even say to that??
The mutant cringes, feeling his mood drop, before taking another big drink from the bottle. He doesn't even feel the burn as badly this time, because his thoughts can't help but whirl about Dazai's maybe suicide attempts.]
That's really not funny. What the hell. [He says quietly.] Why.
(the point here is quite interesting. on one hand, it is sort of fun to poke around that teenage rebellion and attitude that scott has, but on the other one, perhaps it is time to drop a little the whole annoying act to be real with the kid a little bit.
it's strategy, after all, he has been like this since forever -- it's not like he won't learn about it one way or another. better keep it controlled than scaring scott in such futures.)
Ah, it might not be, but it is true after all. I've always been like this, so it's preferrable to keep it wrapped -- ah, literally!
[So. He's definitely tried before. Several times, at that.
If Dazai is joking with him, Scott's not only going to dunk this bottle on his head, but also blast his stupid face off. But for now, the teen remains rather morose, his head lowered slightly before he finally finds his voice to speak once more.]
Why? [He asks again, not quite realizing how blunt and maybe a little insensitive his question comes off.] You don't want to anymore, right?
Oh, much to the contrary, I'm always trying, but I just seem to be very bad at it if in over eight years I haven't managed.
(math.
honesty, honesty, honesty. he does not enjoy it, but it is rather real - not something he can keep aside when he is constantly talking and whining and trying. at home, usually, there are no questions, an acceptance that dazai simply is this way, only few people have inquired.
here, it surprises him how many people actually get this upset.)
[What does he even say? Actually, he doesn't even know how to feel-- angry?? Upset?? Some crushing hopelessness?? Deeply feeling one thing is enough, but multiple at once? Scott feels his teeth clench and as a Master of Emotions, he feels his cheeks heat up too and suddenly, he just wants to hit someone. Maybe Dazai. Actually, that sounds great.
He secures the alcohol between his legs, before using his free to swat Dazai in his face-- anywhere, really.]
(he saw it coming, at least, knowing the signs and always expecting someone to want to smack him. a dodge, easy, but he falls on his back theatrically to do so.
hand still in hand, though.)
Ah, don't yell at me, can't you just be normal and cheer for my dreams???
[Because they're stupid dreams and everything! Scott doesn't have the voice to say any of that, however, and continues to try and hit him with his hand. Maybe he'll even result in kicking too, because he's not above any of that. Of course, it's a bit of an awkward position, but he's sure going to try.]
[After one last swat, Scott eventually just sort of... slumps, tired from his sudden burst of violence and just dealing with all this. His eyes stay fixated on the bottle in between his legs, not wanting to look at him.]
Then, just stop.
[He mutters almost inaudibly, before flicking the shades that's been on his head to cover his eyes once more. Maybe then Dazai won't notice him sniffling because that's super embarrassing. It isn't just Dazai's fault that he's reacting this way, but also everything to do with the giant monster and Kotone and shit, but blaming the older man for all his overwhelming feelings sounds good right now.]
(oh, scott. dazai's not good at this. when he first became a mentor, it had been violence and abuse that colored all his guidance, to create a strong and ruthless survivor. with atsushi, that would never work - and this is when dazai's learning how to tend to softness, to understanding, rather than breaking something apart to put it back in the way dazai finds the best fit.
but he hears the sniffing. he squeezes the hand a little tighter before he reaches to remove the sunglasses, unspoken safety before he finally leaves his childish mask to the side.)
Those are your feelings, it's okay to make any expression you want out of them. One general thing is, however, if you keep these things to yourself, they're going to slowly eat away at you. You're still a teenager, you can learn to better deal with it easier - talk, or don't talk, I won't make you, but you don't have to go through these things alone or hide them away.
(because scott is young. he's just met dazai, it hardly matters if dazai were to kick it the next day. just exploring his powers for the first time, finding hope, and then whatever it is that he went through when the monster took over - must be a lot.)
[He's not crying what are you talking about-- okay, he is. Scott doesn't bother to fight Dazai as he pulls his sunglasses away, revealing tightly clenched eyes and tear tracks, which are hastily wiped away even as he starts crying. This may go down later as one of his most embarrassing days in his life, but Scott's going to tell that side of him to shut up for now.]
Shut up. [Scott says without any bite whatsoever.] It's nothing-- I mean, I don't know.
[Puberty is hard enough without gaining mutant powers and being whisked to another world without anyone you know--]
(dazai knows that space and comfort will speak more than him asking, it starts the path in case that scott decides to trust him to hear it. he won't say a thing, instead just tap his shoulders as a place for scott to hide if he so wishes.
[With that simple silent offer, he turns slightly and buries his face against Dazai's shoulder. Hopefully the mafioso doesn't mind his shoulder getting partially soaked as Scott freely lets himself cry against him, letting his pent up feelings that have been growing the past couple of months finally out. He stops himself from sobbing loudly at least, just letting out small choked off noises, because he can't fully stop himself.
He doesn't say anything yet, mostly because he doesn't know where to begin or how much he actually wants to talk about still, but he's glad to have this much.]
(no words fall from his lips. instead, all he can do is hold the boy against him as comfortably as he can, although his hand taps perhaps a little awkwardly against his back. it's not often this happens, so all he can do is his best to make it as open as possible.
scott can sob if he wants. all dazai will do is hold him in the embrace of 'no longer human'. perhaps that will simply create someone else who feels that dazai's touch equals protection.)
[His shoulders stop shaking as his crying quiets, but he still hasn't pulled away, mostly because he's finding comfort in his arms.
...
He wonders if Dazai is going to be mad at him with what he's about to say, but Scott doesn't want to keep quiet about it any longer. His fingers bury deeper against the older man, however, like he's half afraid that he'll push him away or suddenly reject him even if he has all rights to.]
...Kotone and I fought-- I think I might've hurt her. [And she probably thinks she hurt him, with the whole Thanatos tossing him aside. They haven't talked since that whole incident and Scott knows that they should, but talking is also Hard man. At least Dazai mentioned that she's not hurt now, but he still thinks about it a lot.]
(his hand doesn't leave. he knows how calming it can be, to have numbness quiet a storm when his touch is involved. the awkward patting evolves into a similarly awkward caress of his palm making circling motions against scott's back, his chin tucking on the top of the boy's head.
this most likely is regarding the mind-controlling case, not a fight any of them had any control or will over. a moment that he thinks, because, he too has hurt kotone.)
Koto-chan is much stronger than she looks, you know. I've hurt her before, unfortunately. I will say, nothing will be solved if you avoid her. If you reach and she pulls away, give her time. It's all she ever needs.
[Even Dazai has hurt her...? He wonders if he got involved with the mind-controlling thing too, given his powers and everything. He's a little curious, but not enough to ask him about it, just sort of wanting to turn his mind off and let himself cry against Dazai for a bit longer. The mafioso's presence is actually comforting, despite how odd that may seem, and Scott tries to make himself smaller against him.]
(dazai's not big, thin and long, so there isn't a lot to cry on. at least the embrace is warm, there's care in how he keeps the boy there. protection, at least as much as dazai is able to at the moment.
the last words make him shake his head, though.)
I wouldn't. These things? They're part of your growth. Part of her growth. They're important as they are.
[He's comforted to hear that, but Scott hasn't fully let go of what happened. He thinks he still sees Thanatos when he closes his eyes, his claw holding him up, or how he wildly shot his optic blasts at his surroundings with complete fear gripping him. He really didn't think of the possibility of someone just standing nearby when he did that.]
Even though I could've killed her? [Or she could've killed him, more realistically.] I-I'm lucky that things turned out okay this time.
I hate the thought that you could have, but you see? If I were to get mad at you, I'd have to get mad at plenty of people. You were not the only person who almost killed someone I like, you see? Ah, if I didn't dissipate any ability upon touch, I myself would have been toast. There, there. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't hers, either.
[He's not sure if he feels entirely better that other people tried to kill Kotone-- or at least 'other people he likes,' but his words do help to some degree in lessening the feelings that's been in him. They probably won't go away fully, not even after he talks to Kotone, but guess he'll just... deal with it later. Or not deal with it. That's fine.]
Be better if I can get mad at someone. [Scott says, almost petulantly, but his shaking has lessened and the tears stopped streaming from his eyes.]
(they also tried to kill him. had 'no longer human' been his ability, dazai might as well not be walking and talking right now. a sad realization to him, of course, as it always is, but scott had reacted so strongly that he definitely doesn't want to make him feel that right now.
instead, his hand goes to the boy's hair. slow, gentle petting.)
Get mad at that thing. Not at you, or her. It's useless and it'll only drive you apart when you can't fix something that wasn't your fault in the first place. That's not what you want, is it?
[Later, he's going to deny all this, but Scott finds himself completely at ease with Dazai, relaxing and feeling entirely safe in his embrace. The hand that's softly easing through his hair adds to it, and while his tears have stopped, he still keeps his eyes closed against him.]
I know it's not her fault. Wasn't even thinking about blaming her.
[Maybe blame himself to some degree, because he wasn't mind-controlled at all and still almost killed people. But he knows that's not what Dazai wants... or Kotone, probably.]
Just feel like. Everything is out of my control lately. And nothing makes sense.
(one day, he'll ask all the teenagers why is it that they like dazai so much - or at least, trust him enough with this, seeing their vulnerabilities, holding their emotions. embracing.)
Nothing will ever make sense, Scott. It's up to you to give sense to it. That's not something the world will give you. Even if I directed you towards any, it really is up to you only to take it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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(that dazai often tries, or fantasises, or whines, about wanting to leave this existence, at least. he doesn't attempt to hide it, to lie about it, and he's cheerful in his lack of connection to breathing. either way, he watches the coughing, gently tapping the boy's back.)
Tequila's strong, so, don't gulp!
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[Scott frowns at him, swallowing past the burn in his throat to really look at Dazai. He has Doubts that he's fucking blue past his neck and maybe the exploding powers thing is real, but he did mention the whole dying bit to him before. He thought it was him being Really Annoying but now it's possibly more than that???
What does he even say to that??
The mutant cringes, feeling his mood drop, before taking another big drink from the bottle. He doesn't even feel the burn as badly this time, because his thoughts can't help but whirl about Dazai's maybe suicide attempts.]
That's really not funny. What the hell. [He says quietly.] Why.
cw suicide talk
it's strategy, after all, he has been like this since forever -- it's not like he won't learn about it one way or another. better keep it controlled than scaring scott in such futures.)
Ah, it might not be, but it is true after all. I've always been like this, so it's preferrable to keep it wrapped -- ah, literally!
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If Dazai is joking with him, Scott's not only going to dunk this bottle on his head, but also blast his stupid face off. But for now, the teen remains rather morose, his head lowered slightly before he finally finds his voice to speak once more.]
Why? [He asks again, not quite realizing how blunt and maybe a little insensitive his question comes off.] You don't want to anymore, right?
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(math.
honesty, honesty, honesty. he does not enjoy it, but it is rather real - not something he can keep aside when he is constantly talking and whining and trying. at home, usually, there are no questions, an acceptance that dazai simply is this way, only few people have inquired.
here, it surprises him how many people actually get this upset.)
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He secures the alcohol between his legs, before using his free to swat Dazai in his face-- anywhere, really.]
Don't try anymore you stupid idiot!!
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hand still in hand, though.)
Ah, don't yell at me, can't you just be normal and cheer for my dreams???
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[Because they're stupid dreams and everything! Scott doesn't have the voice to say any of that, however, and continues to try and hit him with his hand. Maybe he'll even result in kicking too, because he's not above any of that. Of course, it's a bit of an awkward position, but he's sure going to try.]
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(child, PLEASE, be normal!!)
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Then, just stop.
[He mutters almost inaudibly, before flicking the shades that's been on his head to cover his eyes once more. Maybe then Dazai won't notice him sniffling because that's super embarrassing. It isn't just Dazai's fault that he's reacting this way, but also everything to do with the giant monster and Kotone and shit, but blaming the older man for all his overwhelming feelings sounds good right now.]
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but he hears the sniffing. he squeezes the hand a little tighter before he reaches to remove the sunglasses, unspoken safety before he finally leaves his childish mask to the side.)
Those are your feelings, it's okay to make any expression you want out of them. One general thing is, however, if you keep these things to yourself, they're going to slowly eat away at you. You're still a teenager, you can learn to better deal with it easier - talk, or don't talk, I won't make you, but you don't have to go through these things alone or hide them away.
(because scott is young. he's just met dazai, it hardly matters if dazai were to kick it the next day. just exploring his powers for the first time, finding hope, and then whatever it is that he went through when the monster took over - must be a lot.)
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Shut up. [Scott says without any bite whatsoever.] It's nothing-- I mean, I don't know.
[Puberty is hard enough without gaining mutant powers and being whisked to another world without anyone you know--]
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these children are gonna be the death of him...)
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He doesn't say anything yet, mostly because he doesn't know where to begin or how much he actually wants to talk about still, but he's glad to have this much.]
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scott can sob if he wants. all dazai will do is hold him in the embrace of 'no longer human'. perhaps that will simply create someone else who feels that dazai's touch equals protection.)
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...
He wonders if Dazai is going to be mad at him with what he's about to say, but Scott doesn't want to keep quiet about it any longer. His fingers bury deeper against the older man, however, like he's half afraid that he'll push him away or suddenly reject him even if he has all rights to.]
...Kotone and I fought-- I think I might've hurt her. [And she probably thinks she hurt him, with the whole Thanatos tossing him aside. They haven't talked since that whole incident and Scott knows that they should, but talking is also Hard man. At least Dazai mentioned that she's not hurt now, but he still thinks about it a lot.]
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this most likely is regarding the mind-controlling case, not a fight any of them had any control or will over. a moment that he thinks, because, he too has hurt kotone.)
Koto-chan is much stronger than she looks, you know. I've hurt her before, unfortunately. I will say, nothing will be solved if you avoid her. If you reach and she pulls away, give her time. It's all she ever needs.
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O-okay, I will.
[Reach out to her. Give her time. All the above.]
...I thought you'd be pissed at me.
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the last words make him shake his head, though.)
I wouldn't. These things? They're part of your growth. Part of her growth. They're important as they are.
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Even though I could've killed her? [Or she could've killed him, more realistically.] I-I'm lucky that things turned out okay this time.
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Be better if I can get mad at someone. [Scott says, almost petulantly, but his shaking has lessened and the tears stopped streaming from his eyes.]
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instead, his hand goes to the boy's hair. slow, gentle petting.)
Get mad at that thing. Not at you, or her. It's useless and it'll only drive you apart when you can't fix something that wasn't your fault in the first place. That's not what you want, is it?
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I know it's not her fault. Wasn't even thinking about blaming her.
[Maybe blame himself to some degree, because he wasn't mind-controlled at all and still almost killed people. But he knows that's not what Dazai wants... or Kotone, probably.]
Just feel like. Everything is out of my control lately. And nothing makes sense.
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Nothing will ever make sense, Scott. It's up to you to give sense to it. That's not something the world will give you. Even if I directed you towards any, it really is up to you only to take it.
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