I hate the thought that you could have, but you see? If I were to get mad at you, I'd have to get mad at plenty of people. You were not the only person who almost killed someone I like, you see? Ah, if I didn't dissipate any ability upon touch, I myself would have been toast. There, there. It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't hers, either.
[He's not sure if he feels entirely better that other people tried to kill Kotone-- or at least 'other people he likes,' but his words do help to some degree in lessening the feelings that's been in him. They probably won't go away fully, not even after he talks to Kotone, but guess he'll just... deal with it later. Or not deal with it. That's fine.]
Be better if I can get mad at someone. [Scott says, almost petulantly, but his shaking has lessened and the tears stopped streaming from his eyes.]
(they also tried to kill him. had 'no longer human' been his ability, dazai might as well not be walking and talking right now. a sad realization to him, of course, as it always is, but scott had reacted so strongly that he definitely doesn't want to make him feel that right now.
instead, his hand goes to the boy's hair. slow, gentle petting.)
Get mad at that thing. Not at you, or her. It's useless and it'll only drive you apart when you can't fix something that wasn't your fault in the first place. That's not what you want, is it?
[Later, he's going to deny all this, but Scott finds himself completely at ease with Dazai, relaxing and feeling entirely safe in his embrace. The hand that's softly easing through his hair adds to it, and while his tears have stopped, he still keeps his eyes closed against him.]
I know it's not her fault. Wasn't even thinking about blaming her.
[Maybe blame himself to some degree, because he wasn't mind-controlled at all and still almost killed people. But he knows that's not what Dazai wants... or Kotone, probably.]
Just feel like. Everything is out of my control lately. And nothing makes sense.
(one day, he'll ask all the teenagers why is it that they like dazai so much - or at least, trust him enough with this, seeing their vulnerabilities, holding their emotions. embracing.)
Nothing will ever make sense, Scott. It's up to you to give sense to it. That's not something the world will give you. Even if I directed you towards any, it really is up to you only to take it.
I don't know how to make sense of my laser eyes or being a mutant or being in this stupid world. Two months ago I was falling asleep in class at a boring high school and now everything's different.
Ah, kiddo. It is hard, I won't lie to you about this. One thing, however - you don't have to make sense of it now. Perhaps it doesn't even have to. It's what you do with it. I could be using my own ability to make your life a living hell, but instead, I'm using it to look at you! Everything is different every passing moment, we just can't see it that well. You'll find your footing, just like everyone else is trying to.
[Right, he has time to figure shit out. That's good to know, even if he still is lost in many ways. But guess that's fine too?? Scott feels like he should have some idea, but maybe he's just thinking about it too much.
There's one thing he's sure about though.]
I won't use my powers to hurt people. [Not intentionally at least--] I want to help others, like you.
I've used it to hurt people. It's part of what makes me want to help others today. It's all a big path, kid, you're walking yours? Just be patient, ok? Yeah?
(poor q. the kid used as a mass weapon, just a kid -- a monster of a kid, but dazai can't blame them at all. that said, isn't that his own leverage to his life? values, morals, all things scott will find for himself in due time.)
[He doesn't think too hard about Dazai admitting that he hurt people in the past. Probably an accident or maybe he was a pissed off teenager as well, but yeah, he's not going to place much thought on it. Besides, he's helping people now-- and him. That's what matters, right?]
Okay.
[Scott finally agrees before slowly pulling away from the other man, although he keeps a hand gripped in his so he doesn't accidentally blast him, might ruin the moment. He gives Dazai a slightly watery smile and his eyes are pretty bloodshot now, but he definitely seems better.]
You're a good kid. You don't get to forget that and let your anxiety take over, alright?
(is he not giving permission, putting himself in a position of mentor once again, or is he simply motivating? who exactly knows. dazai's hand comes to rid scott's cheeks of any salty water that might still be drying, and he smiles.)
I'm also going to take care of you, so you don't need to worry so much.
[Does he have anxiety?? Oh god, was that his anxiety getting out of control?? Scott didn't know he could get like that, but the teen slowly nods, managing not to spiral in front of Dazai again. He's got things handled now. 100%.
Doesn't stop a few more tears from slipping from his eyes when Dazai finishes speaking, just overwhelmed and comforted by his words. Scott tries to snort, almost play it off, but he's not fooling anyone, not with the sheer relief coming from him along with a more genuine smile.]
You sure I shouldn't be worried about that? [Letting Dazai take care of him... but he's okay with that.]
(ay, kiddo, he's actually taking his handkerchief to give him. it's fine to cry -- like dazai said, it's fine to make any expression he wants to make. those are his feelings, after all, and all he can do is be there for them.)
Ah, probably not. Kotone-chan is breathing, and I take care of her often, down to the point we braid her hair and do her nails, and all that. You'll be fine. I can assure that.
[He takes the offered handkerchief and wipes his eyes with it. Ugh, they're starting to sting a little from all the crying he did and that's a little embarrassing, but he also feels a whole lot better. Kind of weird to have them hurt from something other than his optic beams too.]
You're not painting my nails. [Scott retorts with a small smirk, but he's pretty much fully accepted Dazai's care and help. Looks like he's stuck with another teenager for good now--]
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Be better if I can get mad at someone. [Scott says, almost petulantly, but his shaking has lessened and the tears stopped streaming from his eyes.]
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instead, his hand goes to the boy's hair. slow, gentle petting.)
Get mad at that thing. Not at you, or her. It's useless and it'll only drive you apart when you can't fix something that wasn't your fault in the first place. That's not what you want, is it?
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I know it's not her fault. Wasn't even thinking about blaming her.
[Maybe blame himself to some degree, because he wasn't mind-controlled at all and still almost killed people. But he knows that's not what Dazai wants... or Kotone, probably.]
Just feel like. Everything is out of my control lately. And nothing makes sense.
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Nothing will ever make sense, Scott. It's up to you to give sense to it. That's not something the world will give you. Even if I directed you towards any, it really is up to you only to take it.
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[Where does he begin with that?]
I don't know how to make sense of my laser eyes or being a mutant or being in this stupid world. Two months ago I was falling asleep in class at a boring high school and now everything's different.
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There's one thing he's sure about though.]
I won't use my powers to hurt people. [Not intentionally at least--] I want to help others, like you.
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(poor q. the kid used as a mass weapon, just a kid -- a monster of a kid, but dazai can't blame them at all. that said, isn't that his own leverage to his life? values, morals, all things scott will find for himself in due time.)
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Okay.
[Scott finally agrees before slowly pulling away from the other man, although he keeps a hand gripped in his so he doesn't accidentally blast him, might ruin the moment. He gives Dazai a slightly watery smile and his eyes are pretty bloodshot now, but he definitely seems better.]
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(is he not giving permission, putting himself in a position of mentor once again, or is he simply motivating? who exactly knows. dazai's hand comes to rid scott's cheeks of any salty water that might still be drying, and he smiles.)
I'm also going to take care of you, so you don't need to worry so much.
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Doesn't stop a few more tears from slipping from his eyes when Dazai finishes speaking, just overwhelmed and comforted by his words. Scott tries to snort, almost play it off, but he's not fooling anyone, not with the sheer relief coming from him along with a more genuine smile.]
You sure I shouldn't be worried about that? [Letting Dazai take care of him... but he's okay with that.]
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Ah, probably not. Kotone-chan is breathing, and I take care of her often, down to the point we braid her hair and do her nails, and all that. You'll be fine. I can assure that.
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You're not painting my nails. [Scott retorts with a small smirk, but he's pretty much fully accepted Dazai's care and help. Looks like he's stuck with another teenager for good now--]