(it's not what he wanted, to take a moment that is so delicate to scott and crumble completely under it. ghosts of his past, to be the protector has always loomed around him, and here, he had never been a leader the same way. he doesn't fight the same, isn't needed the same way - too many people can hold their own regardless of him.
and yet, he treats his people the way he always had. burdens, worries, problems, shared with manjiro, and yet, none of his own ever leave him. at home, the weight of his titles lessens their weight, even if it will always be true. here, he's relearning, and restructuring, and scott has always looked at him with a certain fondness.
love and strength move as one, it's something he learned as a birth right - logically, it's untrue, unfounded, hollow and shallow, but emotionally, it's something manjiro will always struggle to separate. by hearing his trembles from behind the door, will the way scott smiles at him diminish? will he count on him less? will he like him less? will he...--
to hear his name doesn't help the volume of his sob, almost like it triggers it. minutes pass in the discomfort of silence, before a low voice comes out of it with a sniff.)
no subject
and yet, he treats his people the way he always had. burdens, worries, problems, shared with manjiro, and yet, none of his own ever leave him. at home, the weight of his titles lessens their weight, even if it will always be true. here, he's relearning, and restructuring, and scott has always looked at him with a certain fondness.
love and strength move as one, it's something he learned as a birth right - logically, it's untrue, unfounded, hollow and shallow, but emotionally, it's something manjiro will always struggle to separate. by hearing his trembles from behind the door, will the way scott smiles at him diminish? will he count on him less? will he like him less? will he...--
to hear his name doesn't help the volume of his sob, almost like it triggers it. minutes pass in the discomfort of silence, before a low voice comes out of it with a sniff.)
... Sorry, Summers.