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[When she's with him like this, it truly feels like nothing bad can ever happen again. Probably a childish thought, but it's one that Scott still keeps in his mind as a foundation, something to help stabilize his emotions to some extent even as tears continue to soak the shirt he's pressed against. If they're both safe, he won't transform. And... even if he somehow still glitches, if there's only these positive emotions, then Phoenix won't have anything to latch onto. Right?
Maybe it's just so easy to remember how much he loves her. He's always liked her since they first met, but over time, those feelings developed from a simple crush to something genuine. It's now to a point that he has a hard time thinking he'd ever feel this way towards anyone else. Not to mention that she loves him back. She doesn't care about all those extra things that have made his life more complicated, she still loves him. It means so much, now more than ever.]
I love you. [He says once, then repeats.] I love you, Kotone. I-I just want to be with you.
[He just wants to go on dates with her, eat at the diner, watch movies, return to something normal. For a while, after Ryoji pierced her chest, after he glitched into Phoenix, all of that felt impossible. Scott wants to hope that they can do those things once more after all this. He doesn't want to lose that part of their life together.]
Maybe it's just so easy to remember how much he loves her. He's always liked her since they first met, but over time, those feelings developed from a simple crush to something genuine. It's now to a point that he has a hard time thinking he'd ever feel this way towards anyone else. Not to mention that she loves him back. She doesn't care about all those extra things that have made his life more complicated, she still loves him. It means so much, now more than ever.]
I love you. [He says once, then repeats.] I love you, Kotone. I-I just want to be with you.
[He just wants to go on dates with her, eat at the diner, watch movies, return to something normal. For a while, after Ryoji pierced her chest, after he glitched into Phoenix, all of that felt impossible. Scott wants to hope that they can do those things once more after all this. He doesn't want to lose that part of their life together.]
Y-Yeah, I think so.
[He doesn't know what it was like for Mikey, not fully, when he was cursed. He just was an entirely different person, at least to Scott, acting on impulses that he either normally contained or were new because of that curse. Hosting the Phoenix, something that latched onto him-- the other him, strangling some feelings while amplifying others, just overwhelmed by that power until he dissociated. Well, he was already dissociated the moment he glitched, but even that other Scott didn't have any control, not really.
It was all confusing and Scott's not sure if he'll ever be able to properly explain it. Maybe it's for the best. He just knows he doesn't want to feel that way ever again. He's never had so little control over himself, even when he was those other Scotts. Again, doesn't make sense, but maybe nothing has to. Maybe all that he needs to do is accept and fall into Mikey's hold, the mutant fully leaning into him as half-broken sobs loosen from his chest to resound around them.
Mikey said to let it out, so he will. In between a few gasping cries, Scott will try to explain more-- at least admit his guilt because keeping it within him had not helped.]
I-I killed my friend Mikey... I burnt him to death.
[He doesn't know what it was like for Mikey, not fully, when he was cursed. He just was an entirely different person, at least to Scott, acting on impulses that he either normally contained or were new because of that curse. Hosting the Phoenix, something that latched onto him-- the other him, strangling some feelings while amplifying others, just overwhelmed by that power until he dissociated. Well, he was already dissociated the moment he glitched, but even that other Scott didn't have any control, not really.
It was all confusing and Scott's not sure if he'll ever be able to properly explain it. Maybe it's for the best. He just knows he doesn't want to feel that way ever again. He's never had so little control over himself, even when he was those other Scotts. Again, doesn't make sense, but maybe nothing has to. Maybe all that he needs to do is accept and fall into Mikey's hold, the mutant fully leaning into him as half-broken sobs loosen from his chest to resound around them.
Mikey said to let it out, so he will. In between a few gasping cries, Scott will try to explain more-- at least admit his guilt because keeping it within him had not helped.]
I-I killed my friend Mikey... I burnt him to death.
[He doesn't have to say it for her to know exactly what he means by wanting to be with her. It's the same for her, after all; when they're together, even if everything around them is falling apart, they can pretend like they're normal. Like everything is going to be okay.
She can't be with him forever. But she wants to be with him until the end of her life. That's selfish, isn't it? But as her own chest heaves a bit with the force of her own emotions bubbling up from within, she's forced to admit that it's the truth. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut and keeps her grip on him as steady as she can, even if her hands are starting to shake.]
Me, too. [And her voice is a whisper, fiercely possessive. Everything feels too much, like her nerves have been rubbed raw, catching her breath in her lungs until it's hard to breathe. She doesn't want to be in Aldrip without Scott. When had that happened? People always leave eventually, she'd accepted that, over and over again, but she doesn't want to go through it all without him anymore.]
'M sorry.
[Another whisper, more ragged than before, and even if he asked, she doesn't think she could put into words all the things she's sorry for as tears gather behind closed eyelids. Sorry glitched into another Scott and couldn't save Ryoji. Sorry she couldn't protect either of them. Sorry she died. Sorry she'll die long before he will.]
Sorry...
She can't be with him forever. But she wants to be with him until the end of her life. That's selfish, isn't it? But as her own chest heaves a bit with the force of her own emotions bubbling up from within, she's forced to admit that it's the truth. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut and keeps her grip on him as steady as she can, even if her hands are starting to shake.]
Me, too. [And her voice is a whisper, fiercely possessive. Everything feels too much, like her nerves have been rubbed raw, catching her breath in her lungs until it's hard to breathe. She doesn't want to be in Aldrip without Scott. When had that happened? People always leave eventually, she'd accepted that, over and over again, but she doesn't want to go through it all without him anymore.]
'M sorry.
[Another whisper, more ragged than before, and even if he asked, she doesn't think she could put into words all the things she's sorry for as tears gather behind closed eyelids. Sorry glitched into another Scott and couldn't save Ryoji. Sorry she couldn't protect either of them. Sorry she died. Sorry she'll die long before he will.]
Sorry...
[He first notices when her hands begin shaking, those minute tremors keenly felt while they're pressed together, but then there's the quietness in her voice with underlying emotion seeped into her words. Maybe it wouldn't be noticeable to others, but Scott hears it, and some of his own overwhelming thoughts fade because if there's anything or anyone that can draw him out of his own pain, it's Kotone. She doesn't allow herself to be open like this, not often, and maybe she benefits from the fact that he can't see her now.
But Scott doesn't let that stop him, pulling up from her chest with his eyes still closed. He's mostly facing towards her as she whispers her apologies, listening to the quietness of her voice with his heart clenching all the while. Perhaps humorously, he lightly bumps her cheek with his hand, but soon he's cupping her face with a gentle grip, a small frown tugging at the corner of his lips even as the occasional tear continues to slide down from his eyelids.]
I know-- it's not your fault. Nothing is. [Scott sounds a little more put together, although he's still choked up. It's not surprising to hear Kotone taking fault for what happened because she cares so much about people-- her friends. Of course she'd be taking this hard and that's not even touching the fact that she died just a couple of days ago. All of that sounds so difficult to touch upon or even start processing, so swipes his thumb across her cheek as he repeats himself.]
It's okay. I'm here-- we're here.
But Scott doesn't let that stop him, pulling up from her chest with his eyes still closed. He's mostly facing towards her as she whispers her apologies, listening to the quietness of her voice with his heart clenching all the while. Perhaps humorously, he lightly bumps her cheek with his hand, but soon he's cupping her face with a gentle grip, a small frown tugging at the corner of his lips even as the occasional tear continues to slide down from his eyelids.]
I know-- it's not your fault. Nothing is. [Scott sounds a little more put together, although he's still choked up. It's not surprising to hear Kotone taking fault for what happened because she cares so much about people-- her friends. Of course she'd be taking this hard and that's not even touching the fact that she died just a couple of days ago. All of that sounds so difficult to touch upon or even start processing, so swipes his thumb across her cheek as he repeats himself.]
It's okay. I'm here-- we're here.
[At least he can't see her like this. Mean to think, maybe, but true. His hand bumps blindly against her face before cupping her cheek, and it's just such a sweet and tender gesture that it makes her breath catch her throat again in the start of a sob she tries to choke back. It's not her fault, she knows that, but it hurts...
She leans down and gently kisses away those tears as if that could somehow help her not cry herself. It doesn't really work, the visible reminder of how much Scott had suffered only making her lip tremble, but she does try, mirroring his gesture and cupping his cheek once again. She kisses the corner of his eye, his eyelids, his forehead, lingering there for a long moment and just trying to breathe.]
I don't wanna be here without you. [It bursts out in a rush as this time, she's the one to duck her head, pressing her nose into his shoulder and fighting to keep her tears from spilling.] I just wanna be with you...
She leans down and gently kisses away those tears as if that could somehow help her not cry herself. It doesn't really work, the visible reminder of how much Scott had suffered only making her lip tremble, but she does try, mirroring his gesture and cupping his cheek once again. She kisses the corner of his eye, his eyelids, his forehead, lingering there for a long moment and just trying to breathe.]
I don't wanna be here without you. [It bursts out in a rush as this time, she's the one to duck her head, pressing her nose into his shoulder and fighting to keep her tears from spilling.] I just wanna be with you...
[He hasn't stopped trembling, even though he's trying his best to support her too. She really is so warm and alive-- this is how he wants to remember Kotone. Even if he can't see her now, he can at least picture her smiling face and her more serious one that's laced with strength and determination to chase away that terrible memory from only two days ago. As Yu said, that lifeless corpse wasn't Kotone. With his eyes closed, he can truly memorize and pay attention to how she feels against him, his body shaking just a little more when her lips press against his sensitive eyelids.
She's so close to his powers like this, but she's safe. He can control them like this. Maybe it's silly to think that controlling his optic blasts is just shutting his eyes, but it's what stopping him from hurting her and what's allowing Kotone to be this close to him. It's a claim that he wants to make, especially after Phoenix took over-- after he's been glitching to other Scotts the past month. It's nice to have that power and agency.]
I promise, we will. W-we'll be together.
[There's the unspoken part, the stuff that doesn't need mentioning, how they'll only be together as long as they're both here. But Scott doesn't want to say that. He doesn't need to clarify it anyway, not to Kotone of all people. They don't need that harsh reminder.
Instead, he moves one hand from her cheek to the back of her head, lightly guiding his fingers through her hair.] ...You've been through so much, Kotone.
She's so close to his powers like this, but she's safe. He can control them like this. Maybe it's silly to think that controlling his optic blasts is just shutting his eyes, but it's what stopping him from hurting her and what's allowing Kotone to be this close to him. It's a claim that he wants to make, especially after Phoenix took over-- after he's been glitching to other Scotts the past month. It's nice to have that power and agency.]
I promise, we will. W-we'll be together.
[There's the unspoken part, the stuff that doesn't need mentioning, how they'll only be together as long as they're both here. But Scott doesn't want to say that. He doesn't need to clarify it anyway, not to Kotone of all people. They don't need that harsh reminder.
Instead, he moves one hand from her cheek to the back of her head, lightly guiding his fingers through her hair.] ...You've been through so much, Kotone.
Sandwiches. Got it. Give me one hour.
[The sheer determination in her voice is both frightening and a little embarrassing. She's taking this on as a mission, dammit. She's done a lot of harm lately! And honestly even not just lately! So here she is, trying to do something good for someone else!
So after that one hour, she shows up at the address he gave, armed with like 5 gigantic bags. Did she cook a bunch of sandwiches? Absolutely not, homegirl is a terrible cook. Did she go to the diner and order one of everything on the menu?? You bet she did.
Knock knock. Open up, new friend.]
[The sheer determination in her voice is both frightening and a little embarrassing. She's taking this on as a mission, dammit. She's done a lot of harm lately! And honestly even not just lately! So here she is, trying to do something good for someone else!
So after that one hour, she shows up at the address he gave, armed with like 5 gigantic bags. Did she cook a bunch of sandwiches? Absolutely not, homegirl is a terrible cook. Did she go to the diner and order one of everything on the menu?? You bet she did.
Knock knock. Open up, new friend.]
Edited 2024-09-06 18:01 (UTC)
[Despite still feeling rather despondent about everything, Scott makes sure that looks at least semi-decent before Tendi shows up with food. He's at least showered the previous night, so it's just a matter of putting on regular clothes and combing his hair before he sits and waits for her to show up. Scott's honestly not sure what he's expecting from this, but if she's really coming here with sandwiches and everything, he probably can't complain too much. Doesn't fully erase the... anxiety? Anticipation? But he's honestly trying. Maybe anything is better than letting his thoughts slide back to the week previous, where he--
Scott nearly startles when there's a knock, just a little more skittish, but he manages to yell out 'I'm coming' before he shuffles over to open the door for her.]
Um, hey. Welcome. [There really is something almost quiet, nearly shy about Scott, a sharp contrast from when they first met. Although, the mutant soon sees all the bags in her hands and some of the tension breaks as his jaw drops in response. Like uh wow--]
Did you order everything from the diner?? [DOES SHE NOT KNOW WHAT SANDWICHES ARE AND JUST DID THIS??]
Scott nearly startles when there's a knock, just a little more skittish, but he manages to yell out 'I'm coming' before he shuffles over to open the door for her.]
Um, hey. Welcome. [There really is something almost quiet, nearly shy about Scott, a sharp contrast from when they first met. Although, the mutant soon sees all the bags in her hands and some of the tension breaks as his jaw drops in response. Like uh wow--]
Did you order everything from the diner?? [DOES SHE NOT KNOW WHAT SANDWICHES ARE AND JUST DID THIS??]
[ ugh, having to open up really sucks sometimes. and if only she could be cruel enough to break her honesty code. ]
fine, ill admit it. but i wasnt jealous. i was angry, but not just at u and the princess.
i was angry at miss bazooka (dara by the way) and the shin-dude, i was mad at my sis and her dumb girlfriend. and... if there are more couples here that i dont know about, i would have been mad at them too.
i was mad because all of u are doing this dating shitck and getting along so well, and happy like some gross story book, while i went through a break up. sorta, i guess.
and i felt no one else really understood how i was feeling because u, kotone, or whoever have someone to love in that way. and the rest of us arent interested in that kind of lovey dovey crap in the first place.
so i felt alone, and i was trapped in this icky, weird limbo of hating qunetin's guts but missing him at the same time, and i didnt know what to do with myself. i felt i couldn't go to anyone because no one else was going through this or had some kind of experience about it. he was my first with everything, you know?
it all didnt seem fair. so. ive been angry about it.
but im not so much anymore. im still pretty.... confused with my feelings and what i want, but im just trying to not think about it and just have fun with this new guy.
even though he keeps buzzing in my ear about if we are something, and i keep changing the subject on him.
fine, ill admit it. but i wasnt jealous. i was angry, but not just at u and the princess.
i was angry at miss bazooka (dara by the way) and the shin-dude, i was mad at my sis and her dumb girlfriend. and... if there are more couples here that i dont know about, i would have been mad at them too.
i was mad because all of u are doing this dating shitck and getting along so well, and happy like some gross story book, while i went through a break up. sorta, i guess.
and i felt no one else really understood how i was feeling because u, kotone, or whoever have someone to love in that way. and the rest of us arent interested in that kind of lovey dovey crap in the first place.
so i felt alone, and i was trapped in this icky, weird limbo of hating qunetin's guts but missing him at the same time, and i didnt know what to do with myself. i felt i couldn't go to anyone because no one else was going through this or had some kind of experience about it. he was my first with everything, you know?
it all didnt seem fair. so. ive been angry about it.
but im not so much anymore. im still pretty.... confused with my feelings and what i want, but im just trying to not think about it and just have fun with this new guy.
even though he keeps buzzing in my ear about if we are something, and i keep changing the subject on him.
Edited 2024-09-08 19:46 (UTC)
[For an instant, when Scott opens the door, Tendi wonders if she made a mistake. She barely knows him! What's she doing here trying to cheer him up?? But-- no, nope, can't think like that. They might have gotten off on the wrong foot, but they are definitely friends now (Scott has no say in this), and it's her job as a friend to cheer up her friend. So here comes the confidence!]
Yeah! I did! [Nailed it. Look, she does know what a sandwich is, for sure, but it's not like she knows what everything else is on the menu! And, I mean, what's the difference between a sandwich and a hamburger anyway? "Hash browns" sound like they definitely have some kind of sandwich component. Brown is a sandwich color. "Meatloaf" even has loaf in the name! Besides, she has no idea which sandwich he'd like, so...better safe than sorry!
Anyway, she sounds extremely pleased with herself by this solution of "I'll take one of everything, please," and she sticks out her arm, laden with a couple of the bags, to hand to him.]
Yeah! I did! [Nailed it. Look, she does know what a sandwich is, for sure, but it's not like she knows what everything else is on the menu! And, I mean, what's the difference between a sandwich and a hamburger anyway? "Hash browns" sound like they definitely have some kind of sandwich component. Brown is a sandwich color. "Meatloaf" even has loaf in the name! Besides, she has no idea which sandwich he'd like, so...better safe than sorry!
Anyway, she sounds extremely pleased with herself by this solution of "I'll take one of everything, please," and she sticks out her arm, laden with a couple of the bags, to hand to him.]
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